Perfectionism Explained: An In-Depth Look
Perfectionism is the tendency to set excessively high standards for yourself and feel like a failure if you don't achieve them. Perfectionists tend to hold an unrealistic belief that they can and should achieve impossible standards of excellence, especially in things that matter to them. The downside is that perfectionism can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty completing tasks. After all, if their standards are impossibly high, they're almost always falling short. This can sap motivation and joy in activities they otherwise find meaningful.
Perfectionism is not officially classified as a medical disorder, but it can become unhealthy in some cases. If your perfectionistic tendencies significantly interfere with your life and ability to function, it may reach the level of a disorder. Some signs your perfectionism may be problematic include:
You become anxious or distressed if things are not done flawlessly.
Your high standards make it difficult to complete tasks.
Your perfectionism causes relationship problems.
You have a hard time relaxing or enjoying leisure activities.
The Psychology Behind Perfectionism
Perfectionism shows up in many ways:
Low self-esteem
Perfectionists frequently suffer from low self-esteem and harsh self-criticism. They strive to achieve unrealistic goals to overcome feelings of inadequacy and prove their worth. But no achievement is ever enough, leaving perfectionists stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and striving for an impossible ideal.
Fear of failure and rejection
The fear of failing to meet actual or imagined expectations drives perfectionists to set impossibly high standards. Perfectionists believe any failure, mistake, or imperfection will lead to rejection or loss of status, so they push themselves to avoid failure at all costs. But by avoiding risks, perfectionists also avoid opportunities to build resilience in the face of failure or learn from their mistakes.
Rigid Thinking
Perfectionists think in extremes, seeing situations as perfect or terrible, success or failure, all or nothing. They have a hard time accepting grey areas or compromising. Their rigid thinking makes it difficult to appreciate their achievements or find contentment in life's imperfections. Learning flexibility and self-compassion are keys to overcoming perfectionistic tendencies.
Different Types of Perfectionism
Perfectionism comes in different forms. The first type is self-oriented perfectionism, where you hold unrealistic expectations for yourself. You’re overly self-critical and feel like you’re never good enough.
The second type is socially prescribed perfectionism. Here, you think other people demand perfection from you. You feel you have to meet everyone else’s unrealistic standards and expectations. This can lead to feelings of resentment, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
A third type is other-oriented perfectionism. If you’re this perfectionist, you hold unrealistically high standards for those around you. You’re overly critical of others and get frustrated when people don’t meet your expectations. This often causes problems in your relationships.
The final type is perfectionistic self-presentation. With this, you appear to be perfect to others. You go to extreme lengths to hide your perceived flaws, imperfections, and mistakes. You have an intense need for approval and praise. Underneath the facade, you likely feel inadequate and insecure.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
Here are some tips that I have used over the years to help clients break free from perfectionism:
Practice self-compassion. Accept yourself as you are instead of constantly judging yourself for perceived flaws and imperfections.
Set realistic standards. Challenge the notion that you must be perfect to be worthwhile. Set high yet achievable standards.
Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and your efforts rather than insisting on total perfection.
Learn to delegate. Don't feel like you have to control every little detail. Let go of some control and trust others to do good work.
Take action despite fear. Don't let anxiety about imperfect results stop you from moving forward. Take that first step, however small. Momentum builds from there.
Aiming high and wanting the best is great, but don't let perfection become the enemy of the good. Allow yourself to be human and make mistakes. Schedule a consultation today to learn more about my coaching program and how I can help you embrace progress over perfection.
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IMPORTANT NOTICE:
David Javate is licensed to practice psychotherapy only within the state of California. Outside of California, David offers services exclusively as a coach. It is important to understand that coaching services differ significantly from psychotherapy in both legal and ethical terms. While psychotherapy involves diagnosing and treating mental health conditions, coaching is focused on personal growth, achieving specific goals, and enhancing performance and well-being. Coaching services do not include the diagnosis or treatment of mental health issues and are not a substitute for psychotherapy